Last Friday, when we went to the mall I had an interesting experience as we were walking into Sears. E, B and L did not have jackets on and I did. E & B refuse to wear jackets half the time (I'm sure those of you with kids can sympathize). I don't push the issue if I know we won't be in the cold for long. I did forget L's jacket, which I felt bad about. At the same time we were walking into the store an old lady was walking out. As she walked by us she commented very loudly to the lady next to her "look at that, the mom is wearing a jacket and the kids aren't" (imagine a very judgemental tone). I felt somewhat justified in being upset at her for saying this, but then I started thinking. Is it right for me to feel angry at her or is it better to let it go? I could easily let it sit there festering and start really hating outspoken people. I don't think anyone could deny that it was rude of her to say that. It was the ultimate evil what they did Jesus, but he still said "Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do."
Anyways, my purpose in posting this is not to say I've succeeded in forgiving people. I have a long ways to go in achieving charity. I just thought it is something worth thinking about. The day I can achieve true charity will be a very happy day.
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4 comments:
When you get there, send me a postcard with instructions. We went on the Metro a couple Saturdays back and got yelled at royally by one of the service people for letting the kids run around. She even threatened to call the cops. I was pretty mad, worse than usual (PMS, I guess), and it took a lot for me to calm down. I still need to repent of that one... :)
I think this might be a similar thought to what I have been saying in some of my posts lately, including my very long one on King James and Witchcraft. It is a lot easier, rather than to forgive someone after becoming offended, to not become offended at all, and so therefore I think it is the most profitable goal.
I was going to also mention two similar anecdotes abt nosey school officials. The first was after my boys, being so annoyed by the counsellors asking them every day why they hadn't warn coats, decided it would be expedient to tell themt they didn't have any. I got the obligatory call.
The other obligatory nosey call to parents was that classic story abt Slade and Elle. Slade loves to tease kids so he had been calling her 'Elle Aphant Morgan' (elephant). Her kindergarten (?) teacher asked her one day what her middle name was and so (no one knows whether she really didn't know her mid. name was Victoria or not) passed on the Aphant version.
The funny thing about the second one was to recreate what exactly the teacher was hoping to achieve by calling Stephanie. Either that was really her mid name and thus her calling wouldn't exactly do much or it wasn't and there was no reason for real concern. If it had just been FYI for Stephanie that Elle was saying that you would think she could have waited until she bumped into her at least.
I have still been thinking about this general issue. I think there is a difference btwn forgiveness in the case of someone doing something annoying and needing to not have hurt feelings about it, or even needing to not say anything.
I think it comes down to intention. (Which was probably one of the main points in Stephanie's scripture, too.) I think that every individual action can be much better responded to and the ones we do ourselves can be evaluated based on intention. What is the person intending to do? Are they trying to bug me personally or are they genuinely concerned about my kids/fellow transit riders?
We might never know the difference, so we might as well assume that they have a good intention, and therefore it is very hard to have bad feelings if we succeed in thinking this.
Our own actions, viewed by intention, can be at once freed up from our own guilt and better responded to by others if we are clear and communicate our intentions. I think it is even possible to say something to people that make these kind of comments. We aren't always required to pretend like people don't do anything unfortunate. They are likely to tell us that if we say anything they feel is critical that we are being contentious, but that is just them continuing a hostile intent of wanting to be hurtful and get away with it.
We can genuinely bring up the source of hurtful behavior for discussion in the hopes of bettering the situation, if that is what we are doing, without the person accusing us of being hostile, unforgiving, etc. After all, problems like these don't solve themselves, and I know I don't want the people in MY life to just have to bite their tongues and forgive me the rest of my life, I would like to actually do better at not being offensive.
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